For months, I have been hidden away from the world and reading the bible, exploring South Korea on my own and attending church. For months I have not let the world in.
There are an infinite number of truths you can get from the bible. One very clear truth, that I have learned through trial and error rather than just believing, is that the ten commandments were designed so we do not hurt ourselves. Covetness causes dissatisifaction with our lives, with what we have. It causes breakdowns in marriages, in the workplace. It can influence people to desperate measures, resorting to crimes. But most of all, it brings on many forms of heartache.
It also causes us to place material things, things we cannot take with us when we die, above God. When we engage in sin, we engage in a war with our soul. We become torn inside. It brings up all kinds of illnesses, paranoia, heartbreak, depression, desperation and most often fear. This is not how God wants us to live. He wants us to worship him, to love him. But as long as we are engaging in sin, we are separate from God.
I recently have engaged in sin that I am repetent of now. But there are still ramifications of my actions occurring everyday and what I most didn’t want to happen. I was content to be alone, I was content with my circumstances. Now I am restless, regretful, sad, and separated from God.
I am still content. I have everything I need. However, I am now aware of how truly alone I am and thats caused the restlessness. This feeling is one of the biggest temptatioin makers of all time. It will be interesting to see how I develop over the next few weeks with this feeling in my stomach.
Yeah I know how you fell I think.